Mar 29

Written by: Mike Martinez
3/29/2010 5:58 AM

LAS CRUCES MAN TAKES DUMP IN WRONG CAR ... Two weeks ago, 18-year-old Austin Purifoy of Las Cruces was so upset with his girlfriend, Desiree. he smashed the passenger side window of her car with a rock, and DROPPED A DEUCE in the backseat.

The problem was Austin took a dump in the WRONG CAR.

But wait, it gets better! The owner of the car caught Austin in the backseat, pulling his underwear up and called the cops on him.

Fast forward to late last week: Austin was indicted on two charges of criminal property damage, and one charge of breaking and entering. If he's convicted, he could get up to two and a half years in prison.

REAL MAN OF GENIUS ... John Watkins of Orem, Utah, swiped a couple of cell phones from a convenience store but apparently then left behind a slip of paper with his address on it.

Then - after somehow becoming disorientated - flagged down a police officer to ask for directions. As fate would have it, the very same police officer that was investigating the theft was also the very same police officer who had just received a description of our genius from the clerk.

Oops. He's been charged with theft and possession of marijuana.

REALLY DRUNK ... State police in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania arrested a man for public drunkenness after spotting him on the side of the road giving mouth to mouth resuscitation to a long-dead possum !!! On the Captain Morgan’s Drunk Scale, I believe that’s an eleven!!!

And can we all agree if he had brought to possum back to life this would be a completely different story?

ELECTRONIC UNDERPANTS ... We dig deep in the news – so you don’t have to. Like the Australian company that did ten years of research before proudly announcing the world’s first electronic underpants.

These are underpants that are able to communicate through text messaging. And while it sounds silly – it’s actually an incontinence aid for seniors in nursing homes. The underpants send a text message to the nursing station when a bladder or bowel accident occurs.

They say the new electronic underpants will provide comfort and dignity for the elderly.

The comfort part I get. But dignity? You have a little ‘oops’… do you really want your shorts telling the whole world?!?!?
 

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