Aug 25

Written by: Mike Martinez
8/25/2010 9:04 AM

REAL MAN OF GENIUS ... 19-year-old David P. of Germany, robbed a bank the other day and got away with about $3,200.
Two local newspapers wrote about it, and described him as between 5-foot-10 and six feet tall, age 20 to 25, with short, dark hair. They also said he fled from the scene on foot.

Well, evidently David couldn't believe how much they BOTCHED their write-up, because he decided to EMAIL the newspapers and the police, and taunt them for their mistakes.

He wrote that he's actually 6-foot-3, 19 years old, and fled the scene in a car - not on foot. After receiveing the e-mail, police were able to trace it and arrested David a few hours later.

MAN CURSES WOMAN OUT FOR USING 10 ITEMS OR LESS LANE ... 48-year-old James X. Cryns got into the 10-items-or-less line behind 56-year-old Grace Hernandez at a Piggly Wiggly grocery store in Saukville, Wisconsin.

Apparently, when Grace got in the line there wasn't anyone waiting, so the cashier told her he could check her out even though she had 37 items. But that wasn't good enough for James.

He said, quote, "What is this? Eighty items at an express lane?" She responded, quote, "I got permission. Why, do you have a problem with that?" He responded, quote, "You're fat and ugly."

As fate would have it, a cop who was in the area was called when the arguing escalated and witnessed James screaming and swearing . . . so he hit him with a $429 citation for disorderly conduct.

Turns out this is the second time this particular guy has cursed out another person in public in front of that SAME OFFICER.

WTW?!? MIDWIFE GETS BAD TIP AND SEWS TIPPER'S SPHINCTER SHUT ... This story's going to make you shift around in your seat in pain. Guaranteed. Don't say I didn't warn you.

In southern China, a midwife was angry after she helped a woman deliver her baby, because the woman didn’t tip as generously as she felt she should’ve. So she got her revenge . . . by SEWING the new mother's sphincter closed!!!

The reason the mid-wife was down there with a needle and thread to begn with is because, during the birth, the mother had a hemorrhoid BURST, so she offered to sew it up and while she was down there, she did some extracurricular sewing.

The police have been investigating, but no word yet on what is going to happen to the mid-wife.

MOM GIVES HIM UP ... A man, whose name hasn’t been released, broke into an elementary school in Athens, Georgia, tripping the silent alarm and alerting the cops. The guy saw them coming and was able to get away ... but dropped his cell phone in the process.

One of the cops picked it up, cycled through the phone book until he found a contact labeled "Ma", and called it. Sure enough, the man's mom answered, told the police her son is always stealing stuff ... and then GAVE THEM HIS NAME! Oh MAN is Christmas going to be awkward for this family.
 

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